Childhood anxiety: Escape behaviors

DOES YOUR CHILD SUFFER FROM ANXIETY?

This is part 2 of a 4 part series on childhood anxiety.

As mentioned in part 1: The Child who shuts-down, children may experience nervousness which is considered a normal part of the childhood experience. They may cautious about trying new things such as food or activities. They may initially pull back when meeting new people and they may even cling to you in some fashion. These children are often referred to as “shy” or “slow to warm up”.

In part 1 we talked about the anxious child who will “shut-down” when their “free-floating anxiety” attaches itself to something.

In Part 2 we will look at the anxious child who demonstrates escape behaviors when overwhelmed by their anxiety.

How to recognize your child’s escape behavior as a sign of anxiety?

Sometimes a child experiencing heightened anxiety will try to escape or flee. They may hide under a table, around a corner, in a closet or under a bed. Your child may run, but they will likely be running away from something, rather than too something. (This can be very scary especially if there is a chance they will hurt themselves, or get hurt due to their running away. In that moment, your first and most important goals is, of course, to keep your child safe. If your child is prevented from escaping they may become aggressive, threatening, loud or disruptive. These behaviors are often miss-labeled as defiance. However, the difference lies in the child’s internal process. When a highly anxious child become aggressive, it is usually because their need to escape from whatever their anxiety has attached itself too has been blocked. It is an internal response to heightened anxiety.

Other signs that your anxious child may need to escape can include hyperactivity, mania, silliness, baby talk and/or disruptive loud, noisy behavior. These behaviors are the same behaviors that will tend to get a child removed from one environment for a time-out, loss of privilege or lost opportunity. This is commonly seen in classrooms and during large family gatherings. While your anxious child may become upset and resist being removed from their environment they have set up this removal, albeit unconsciously.

What does your child need from you when heightened anxiety triggers their escape response?

Your child needs you to help them find relief from this anxious thoughts and body sensations. They need to know that you will stay with them but not any closer than they want you too. If they are safe and no one else is in danger you can stay close enough for them to hear your calm, matter of fact voice. Verbally reassure them. But do not overwhelm them with words. Use simple short sentence. Say things like: It’s ok, you are safe, I am here with you. Acknowledge that the experience they fled from was difficult for them.

Provide them with a comfort item. This may be a favorite stuffed animal, book, blanket or toy. Or offer them some cold (warm weather) or hot (cool weather) to eat or drink.

Engage them in an activity to distract them and give them a way back into relationship with you. This may include a request to help you with a fun chore, a game of tug of war, or going together to get something crunchy to eat (carrots, rice cakes, crackers).

Once your child has calmed down help them come up with a plan to “run too something” instead of “away from something”.  For example: if you were at a family members house when the escape impulse was trigger for your child talk about safe places they can escape too if this should occur again. If they are escaping from their classroom engage the educational staff in identifying a safe place for them to go when they are feeling highly anxious etc.

Next, we will learn about the fight behaviors of highly anxious children and how you can help them.